Higher and Higher
by Autumn Win-Dow
Summary: "To soar higher was your ultimate dream. You had wanted to reach the stars, because even clouds weren't a high enough goal for you." A pilot's life and dreams fast forwarded in the flashbacks before his death. Kitsu-centric.


_**Higher and Higher**_

**By Autumn Win-Dow**

* * *

As you lay on the cold, crumbly gravel in the middle of nowhere, you visualised your entire life in front of you in fast forward.

You recalled your six year old self climbing ever single tree in the orchard near your home – despite the constant nagging of your mother, you never hesitated in grabbing the thick branches of apple trees and using the strength obtained from your youth to heave yourself up, and up, and up, until you were standing taller than anyone else in your town. You always ignored the farmers who maintained the orchard, and you would pluck a ripe red apple from the branches hanging near your face, as a snack – a choice of nourishment as you observed the little events which occurred in the village. At the age of six, you found great pleasure in watching other people stress about their respective issues as you sat peacefully, high in an apple tree, without a problem in your life. At your age, the world chose not to bother you… _yet._

As a thirteen year old, you soft and smooth hands had become rough due to your excessive tree-climbing. In fact, all traces of your younger self had disappeared from you completely, as you entered your first year of junior high school. The only childhood habit you maintained was the regular climbing of trees – no matter how high, you felt the thrill of being higher and superior to everyone else. The taller you grew, the higher the tree you wanted to climb. Your wish to loom higher than others grew stronger when you were able to grow taller than younger children.

But of course, it was never enough for you.

You had countless people to defeat – your parents, your teachers, the third-year students, the players for the national basketball team. It was far-fetched, but you still wished.

At the age of thirteen, you still continued to climb trees, with no restraint.

Your life until eighteen consisted of climbing trees as often as you would, because in your third-year of high school, you fell in love.

Anna Umenomiya was the health officer for your class – a diligent, sweet, and home economically-centric girl who greeted everyone with a kind smile. You could recall the moment when the transfer student Mikan Sakura was shunned by most of the class – including you – but in the corner of your eye, you could see Anna greet the new student without any resentment or bitterness.

In your mental montage, you did not miss the moment when you finally gathered the confidence to confess to the pink haired girl, at your graduation. You could clearly recall your trembling arms, the gripping of your hair, your shaky leg, her curious expression – Anna's brown eyes were wide in curiosity, as she tilted her head to the right, and gripped the sleeve of her silk robes.

You remember being entirely ignorant of the events happening around you, and it was only you and Anna at that moment. Your arm had risen in order to pull off your graduation cap – almost overcome by the stress and nerves despite finishing school – before you forced the words out.

You were never the type to come up with dramatic phrases and heart wrenching proposals – usually it was the school prince Ruka, the creative and pun-loving Koko, or even Natsume, of whom was truly a tsundere inside, who were able to deliver a proposal which would shock the hearts of everyone around them, but you were not like them.

You were a simplistic person.

And as it turned out, Anna liked that about you.

You could clearly remember the smile she gave you, with a reply just as simple as your request, before you looked down at your feet as you beamed.

You felt invincible.

You flew your first plane at the age of twenty four – a helicopter. Still, you hadn't rid yourself of your wish to soar higher than everyone else. The experience was unbelievable – you never forgot the feeling of the high altitude winds through your hair, the cushioning of your headphones, and the cyclic joystick in your hand as you controlled the aircraft at your own will. You sincerely enjoyed it when the helicopter would turn at the slightest movement of your hand, and when the distance between you and the ground would continue to increase. You were getting higher, and higher, to the extent that everyone else were merely specks in an expansive land.

You married soon after your first flight – twenty five. It seemed that you had many unforgettable moments in your rather short lifetime, and watching Anna walk down the aisle with her father, with her peach coloured hair let down in fancy curls and clad in a wedding dress woven with delicate lace and pearly beads, was most definitely one of yours. You recalled that your senses were all awake at that moment, as you felt the tender skin of her hands come in contact with your rough ones, and the tender but assuring squeeze which came with the contact of your hands. She smelt like fresh lavender and ripe peaches, and as you stared into her warm eyes, you knew for sure that she would be the woman who would possess his wholehearted attention above all others.

You confirmed that as soon as you pressed your lips against her soft ones.

Was it simply your bad luck which happened to come to play on that crucial day? It was the day when he was twenty seven, a married man, a licensed pilot, a flying enthusiast.

It was the day when you spared your attention to the small photograph on the seat next to you. It was a recently printed photo of you and Anna – it was only yesterday that you printed the photo to keep, because it was a precursor to a truly memorable day which ironically would have surpassed all of vivid and valued memories you had already experienced.

Was it bad luck? For you to be distracted for the briefest second, only for your helicopter's rotors to smash into a cliff, therefore sending you and the plane out of control – towards the ground?

You could feel your life slowly draining away, as you – with the now bloodstained photo in your weak hand – crawled out of the wreck of a helicopter. However, knowing that you were in the middle of nowhere, you exerted the last of your energy into turning around and lying straight on the hard gravel. The gashes over your body spilled your blood over the ground, and every slight movement made you hiss, but the pain you felt physically was nothing in comparison to the horror you felt – that by dying, you would be leaving Anna by herself. It was the last thing you wanted to do, and you felt the hot tears spill from your eyes, mixing with the blood and gashes on your face.

Anna was the only woman you had ever loved, and above all else – including your love of flying – you wanted to stay with her for the rest of your life, and hers.

You could only watch as your whole life – which only lasted twenty seven years – flashed before you, but it wasn't a split second of memory. As death started to slowly overcome you, you remembered those precious times – when you married the woman you loved, when you flew a helicopter for the first time, your shy confessions, and earliest of all, your love of climbing trees. To soar higher was your ultimate dream. You had wanted to reach the stars, because even clouds weren't a high enough goal for you. Besides, you had always felt like you were on cloud nine either in a plane, or with Anna.

But it was a bittersweet flashback of memories. Even though you felt happy with how things turned out for you – besides your unseemly, tragic death in the middle of nowhere, where no one would find you – you regretted leaving the world, after finding out the day before that you were a father.

You looked up at the sky, and notice that it was now nightfall. You wept endlessly for not being there for Anna and your child, as well as not fulfilling your goal to reach the stars. You wanted to soar higher, and higher, but still – it was bittersweet for you.

Somehow, even after all the people and goals you were leaving behind as you died, you were satisfied. A hint of a smile emerged from your cracked lips, as you held the bloodied photograph of you and a barely pregnant Anna near your chest.

Death, after what seemed to be an eternity of flashbacks and pain, finally swallowed you whole, and your last sight was the stars.

_My name is Kitsuneme. I am a licensed pilot, and a dedicated husband to Anna Umenomiya, as well as a recent father. I can soar higher than ever before, and I can watch Anna and the baby. From heaven. Because I believe it exists._

_Perhaps the only way I can reach the stars is to die._

* * *

**_"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all. It stretches on forever, like an ocean of time." – American Beauty_**

* * *

**_A/N: Had to write something... and no, I didn't particularly enjoy American Beauty. That quote just stuck out as memorable._**


End file.
